Is there anything that you miss? What have you being doing all your life and for some reason are not able to do it now? What do you want to do but due to your busy schedule or prior commitments you are not able to do? Is there anything that you miss? Something you want the most? Someone, something, some place, some moment, some memory that you miss the most? I have one such thing that I miss the most. One such thing that I have been doing all my life and have suddenly come to a halt!
It happened on this weekend, when I went to my guru’s dance concert. Being excited in the beginning,the feeling of guilt and sadness took over me when I left the concert hall. It was not because the concert was bad, it was excellent indeed. Something every Kathak dancer and a classical dancer should experience at least once in his/her lifetime.
Kathak is an Indian classical dance form originally from Uttar Pradesh(a state in northern India). I have been learning the same for the last 15 years of my life. It has become something that a single word cannot define. From being just a hobby in the beginning it became my passion. Dance was something I did whenever I felt happy, or sad. Wherever I felt I need to vent myself, I danced. I am learning the Kathak dance from a renowned Kathak dancer herself and a choreographer in the movie industry as well.
From being a hobby to passion. Now the journey led from once dancing all the time to not dancing anymore. A very sad journey on my part. For someone who has been dancing all her life, a year without dance is heart breaking and unimaginable. But it happened. I was busy in my academics, beginnings of shaping my career, confused about making the right choices. In the race of the life,all the serious things seemed to be winning and the happiness seemed to be loosing.
At the end of the concert I had an urge to cry. I felt like I have lost a piece of my personality somewhere in the midst of everything and unable to find it. The medium of expression through dance was something I always mastered in. “Even if I made a mistake somewhere,it reflected on my face immediately “,says my dance teacher who has been training me for the last 10 years.
I went to greet my teacher and she immediately read my face. The tears in my eyes spoke before I could speak anything.
I not only miss the dancing. I miss presenting it on stage. The clothes, the make up,the lights, the smile and most importantly my ghungroos(small copper bells tied in a string). With every step attracting, everyone’s attention, was what I enjoyed the most and miss the most.
The concert was based on the idea “Sringar to Bhakti” meaning ” From Beauty to Devotion ”
It gave me a happy realization of the beauty that the Kathhak dance possess to the devotion you need to excel that dance form.
That devotion which was long lost somewhere, I found it again that day. I decided no matter what, as I am working hard to get an engineering degree, I would work harder to get a degree in dance as well.
Nothing should be left un-done in anyones life.
Everything you have been doing and will do in the future has a purpose. That purpose can be anything from money and success to passion and happiness. It’s just important to carry on what you are doing and the purpose will be served.
I missed dancing badly.And today I make a promise to myself,whatever happens I won’t give up on dance.Never.